my year of YES { it's not a resolution }

            

I adore the idea of resolutions. Fresh starts. The start of New Years. A brand new slate. But I always fail when I make resolutions. And then I feel so bad about myself. I always make broken promises saying I will try again tomorrow, next week. I'll get it right soon. But it never happens. When the new year was approaching, I felt like I wanted to do something new- but I didn't want to put it into the category of a resolution. I took my thoughts and prayed about it- for a while. What God has placed on my heart is this- and hopefully it will help you too.

1. Expectations. It's my worst enemy. When I put too many on myself- I give up. When I ask myself to reach the impossible in my own strength- I will fail. Over and over. 

2. Resolutions are empty promises. Unless we take our intentions for the new year and ask Him to help and direct us- it will never succeed. Lesson, big time learned. 

I also love the idea of the one word 365, but I wanted it to be something that I could take with me everyday and into every situation. Every circumstance. Not just a word, but a way of life. A word that would force me to do the hard work that Jesus laid on my heart for this year. 

My word this year is---> YES 

Yes to all the things I would of always said no to. Yes to overcoming fear. Yes to letting go of things that aren't for me anymore. Yes to growing into new skin. Yes to being brave. Yes to shedding weight. Yes to forgiveness. Yes to unplugging. Yes to His strength and not my own. Yes to His ways and not mine. Yes to everything bigger than me that I don't have control of. 

I'm not exactly sure what that will all look like. But no expectations, no worldly plan, no assumptions, no calculating. Just Jesus and just my heart open wide. Yes to trust. 

I'm not HIM, but he's already promised me if I am faithful- He will take me farther. And friends, this year I turn 30. I want to quit wasting time, quit being distracted, quit comparing and running the race of this life. I just am so ready to see what He does and what He paints for my family and I. Im jumping all in.

If you have a resolution- turn into a journey to take this year between you and the Lord. You have a million more chances of succeeding than doing it alone.

If you want to follow what the journey my year of yes will look like- I am documenting that here- on my Instagram. And on this blog from now on you will get to read more from my heart on what it means. #yearofyes

peace in the wait.

I haven't written here in a long time. Partly because, I didn't know what was going to be in this season in my life and I felt that if I wrote about it too early, it might not go through.

We spent most of this year, back and forth with Jesus, about buying a house. It wasn't easy for us. We didn't know if we would even qualify, get approved, have a down payment, where would we be moving that would be best for us, and so on. We are just merely a family on one income. We sacrifice.  After 8 months, God gave His answer and we were approved, beyond all my doubt and fears.

I can't even believe it. Here are us two, my husband and I, who come from nothing, had to work so hard to achieve anything, and we are buying a home. Feels scary and surreal. It's a small little home on a piece of Tennessee country and I feel like I could fly I am so excited. Maybe because for most of my life, I haven't really had a place to call home. And this feels like home. Permanent. A place to dream and build.

When I first moved here I would just stare out the kitchen window and pray that I would never know anything different than this view, and I hope we would never move. But we never had to, because God did.

He moved and started a whole new chapter. Its been hard, to say the least. In my previous post, I described I am truly not the one to wait. I will drive myself literally out of my own mind. I just know that if I have to wait, it will fail.

God is working on that part of my heart.

And I can't tell you how many times I've come to this computer to share, and I just can't get the words out. Mostly because this year has been so up in the air. A lot of finding myself, and a lot of finding forgiveness and grace and approval not in home loans- but in Him.

Here is Christmas, and I have slowed way down and asked God to have me seek SIMPLE and FOCUSED. I don't deserve any of this, not one bit, so its a lot to take in when God blesses so BIG. He is so good, I just can't even take it all in.
Just God, this season. If you are waiting on something BIG, just keep waiting. There is peace in the wait.

waiting in the hallway { a lesson in contentment }

I'm not one for waiting.

I want it done. I want it done right now. No confusion or misleading or detours. If I have a goal in mind I will make a sure fire way to make it happen. This is my biggest flaw. I will go over everyone's head, even God's to try and execute my plan. 

And I was sure as pie I wanted my family to move to Nashville at the start of this year. It made sense. It felt right. I said a few little prayers to God and made a few calls- and bam- had a realtor and a bank and a couple of houses lined up. 

As sure as I was everything was going to work out according to MY GOAL- it burned. It crashed. It fell. And I literally lost my mind in the process of trying to move my family in my own strength. I was so sure this is what God wanted, but I hadn't even hardly asked Him. I broke down. 

The answer, at the end of it all- was no. 

NO, Ashley. NO. 

No because you aren't Jesus and you don't get to decide it. You can't ask for blessings, and then get them and then decide that's not good enough and rearrange and pick of the parts you don't like and make a whole new plan. 

We live in a beautlful house that we don't even deserve to live in, we live in it because a sweet old man decided to give us a chance. He said yes and he didn't even have to. Others were waiting in line for it. 

Discontentment is ugly and it happens to all of us. It's because the enemy likes to lie to us and show us what we think will be better, prettier, bigger. And what we have will never be enough. 

I stopped the home buying process in Nasville in its tracks. I love Nashville. But it's a no. God has asked us to stay put, and in that beautiful little country house- find contentment. Find our story and our way. I trust God and what I can't see more than what I can. How dare I even begin a journey in my own strength. How dare I not seek His face. It's been a huge lesson, conviction and part of testimony. 

So I have begun something new. Humbling myself and asking for forgiveness- and listening. Waiting. Enjoying small moment living- right where I am. Enjoying my blessing- exactly what I have. Not looking ahead at what I am going to have. Or what's next. Or another plan I have. 

I am going to enjoy what I prayed for. I prayed for what I have right now. A home and a family. 

More on contentment to come.

leaving a season + beginning one

Hello beautiful friends- from an early morning here in Tennessee.

I stopped blogging a long time ago. I quit cold turkey- because I didn't realize until now that I was dealing with some of the hardest years of my life through that blog. I got weakened by trying to measure up and keep up. Ultimately I had to shut down. My blog and my heart. I had to really go into a hiding to hear God say what was next.

I will go into that further down the road. Here you can find hospitality and acceptance. My page is just my heart- its no competing for followers, traffic or the best graphics. I'm not going to give you advice and act like I have it all together. I fail so many times daily. I've lived a hard past. I am scarred and broken and needing Jesus. 

What I am going to share is the things I have listed in the tabs above under my header. Real things, hard things, messy things, raw things.

I don't want to put out perfect blog posts with perfect pictures. Here I will show you exactly what real life in my home looks like and feels like. 

I'm going to keep things simple. There won't be a bunch of hoopla here. Just me.

If you know me from personal life or instagram (which is my favorite) or Facebook (which is my least favorite- but we will get to that soon) - welcome back. If you are new, can't wait to hear your story and share with you.

Sometimes, even so bittersweet, we must leave the season we are in for something new. God is so good like that.

welcome, sweet friends

To southern grace + coffee. 

Much love,